What I’m Learning
It’s interesting to me how much social, emotional and spiritual growth can occur with intentional practice. It is interesting the rate at which I am evolving at this point in my life. Part of me thinks it could be my age –is it true that the older we get, the more conscious we become? It could also be the fact that I am retired and I am simply looking for more meaning in my life. Or that I have chosen to devote a short time each day to reading and meditation. In truth, it is likely all three of these things.
I recently heard Richard Rohr (RR Stan here) speaking about how different we are in the second half of our lives. That we become more contemplative and observant without the need to insert opinions in every situation. Now I am as opinionated as the next guy – I always have been, but I am learning. Another thing he said struck me – that people these days tend to insert their strong opinions on topics that they are really not very educated about. I am positive young Ashley was guilty of this, and I am thankful that I don’t employ this tactic any longer.
On to learning –
I read or heard recently that if you start your day by spending just 5 minutes with the Holy Spirit (that was the term in the text, I say, insert the term that works for you), it is certain that you will walk in Spirit that day. I have been studying a Course In Miracles recently (among other things). Because of that and the fact that I was exposed to Christianity (in a big way) in my youth, I am choosing to use Christian terminology. I do not, however, staunchly adhere to any organized religion. What I do believe is this – I believe in Universal Oneness. I believe that we are all connected through and by something that I cannot describe in words but that I often refer to as the Universe.
I believe that Jesus Christ was on of several Teachers who came here to show us The Way. The way to what? The way to Oneness – BACK to each other. When we are born, we quickly take on the limitations of the Ego – all of the things that make us feel and behave as separate from our brothers. I believe that our goal here on Earth is to find our way back to that from which we came – to release all of the restraints of the Ego and live Christ-like lives. None of us will ever be ‘perfect’ or Christ-like, but I read this morning that our limitations are necessary if we are to Teach others The Way. It is a challenge not to see others as apart from us, not to hold grievances, not to judge, etc.
One of the things I am learning is to put intentional thought into my daily actions and interactions. To demonstrate love and oneness to others, so to speak. I am contemplating relationships at all levels – brief interactions, sustained relationships, and special relationships as they are addressed in the Course.
As a child surrounded by Southern Baptists, I often heard the term ‘Walk in Christ’. Finally, I am learning what that means. Although Christians use Christ as the descriptor, it could as easily be Walk in Oneness; Walk in Faith, etc. To me it refers to daily actions that demonstrate love and offer grace to everyone you meet. It also means keeping the Ego and fear at bay.
Another concept – all emotions fall into one of two categories: love or fear. If you are angry, sad, anxious, etc – fear. If you are happy, at peace – love. Choosing love even in challenging situation is key.
Yet another – presence. I once heard Eckhart Tolle explain that the cross is indicative of our lives, where the horizontal realm represents time and the vertical represents where we find ourselves in our minds. We should work to remain at the intersection – where we are now. If we choose project to the future in our minds, we experience anxiety and worry. If we choose to allow our minds to wander into the past, we may feel regret, sadness, loss. All of these are fear-based emotions that can be avoided by training our minds to remain in the present.
This morning – after meditation and during my run, it occurred to me (not for the first time) that the relationship I have had with my mother all of my life is what the Course refers to as the special relationship. Where the individual is here to teach you particular lessons that you are supposed to learn while you are here. The situations will occur and occur until you finally get it right and are able to respond with love – in a Christ-like way. I feel like our relationship could be transforming. There is much less contention now. I am learning not to push back when she says something hurtful. Although I wonder if that is because I have grown or because I realize she doesn’t know what she is saying. When I was younger (and even just a few years ago), she would deliberately bait me and I would react again and again. I knew she was trying to hurt me and I chose to try to hurt her back. I don’t want to hurt her anymore. What happened in the past – all the hurtful words, the disregard – it’s done. I know she did maybe not the best she could, but she did what she knew how to do. Now she is a shell of her former self. Some of her old patterns still exist – she still leaves me out, seems to call on me only when she needs something, etc. but she has stopped (for the most part) sending hurtful messages. She also can’t defend herself and she is so vulnerable. It is sad to say that her being in this situation has helped me feel compassion for her and I appreciate that.
3.16.23
